Il dolce far niente/PERSONAL

If you’re wondering what my first blog post means

it’s an Italian word for

“The sweetness of doing nothing.”

I have read it from the memoir Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Pretty much ironic since what I’m about to share with you is the exact opposite of

doing nothing.

————————————————————————-

Every time I  get home after a long and exhausting day from school.

I would always get a Facebook message from my mom saying.

“Remember to love yourself you don’t have to work so hard. “

“Don’t beat yourself up when things don’t go your way.”

“I admire your determination and hard work.”

 

She would always send me these kind of messages or sometimes

Inspiring quotes or affirmations .

My mom is working in Dubai and I on the other hand is currently studying here in

the Philippines.

I would always get the same loving, sweet reminders from my mother at the evenings before I go to bed or in the mornings before going to school.

I have to admit there are times that I get tired and annoyed of her reminders but then my mother’s encouraging words can do wonders.

There are times that her words are just enough to lift me up when things are getting rough and I deeply appreciate her efforts in doing so.

My mother’s word is like a balm to my aching soul.

Ever since I’m young I always have this sense of determination and passion to give my 100%. To pour my heart and soul in everything that I do.

This can be fulfilling but at the same time also destructing.

It can be my worst nightmare or it can be my salvation.

My mother would always tell me that I don’t have to carry the whole world

Just because I can but for some reason I just can’t help it.

There are times that my friends would tell me to have fun and for a while not be so stressed out about school or think about school stuffs.

I get it, I can be annoying because of it.

I have to admit that as a flawed human being I tend to be lazy and tired too but then the mere thought of not getting things done just makes me more anxious, being productive can be quite recreational for me.

In the modern age  wherein being  a hard working person it does have a good reputation but for some it  also had been seen in a bad light, if you get what I mean.

The thing is there is nothing wrong with being hard working and in the 20th century where the mainstream media thus influence people with TV shows, movies  that are all about characters who are workaholic or bombard us with songs that has become Work anthems like Work by Rihanna ft. Drake, Work from home by Fifth harmony or Formation by Beyonce.

I love those kind of movies or songs and I have nothing against it.

In fact I’ am glad that the media  understands the importance of being productive and the essence of hard work.

It seems that working hard has become the understatement of the century.

In my case as a junior college student, there’s no doubt tremendous pressure and a lot of things on my plate as we speak.

That’s the point isn’t it?

College is not supposed to be easy it’s supposed to be earned in order to be worth it. Every sacrifices, pain, pressure, all-nighters, laughters, tears, money, fears, friendships.

In real life or as me and my college friends call it “the real world”.

As scary as it sounds.

All of it consists of hard work, one of the main thing that I have learned at such a young age is the importance of it and now that I’m 18 years old it has become one of my main principles in life.

I have watched my mother go to work every single day in Dubai and I have listened to my grandma tell me stories about the times that she had worked in Bahrain for her family.

There is nothing wrong with being hardworking as long as I know how to balance and is fully aware of the difference between sufficient and lacking.

I think it’s one of my best traits and also my fatal flaws as a person.

Once I started it I can never stop, to the point that I burn myself out.

  • To the point that my health is at risk or my relationships with my friends or family has been neglected.
  • To the point that I have lost my sense of direction and forget the real purpose why I’m doing all of this at all. Sometimes I let it get the best of me that It has become my source of validation or gratification.

There are times in vain that I still go to class with a high fever not wanting to take the risk of being absent for a major class, or writing essays or concept papers that when my friends distract me I yell at them in annoyance.

  • To the point where I have let my school works be the centre of my life that I t has completely become my whole universe or my main point of view in life. It’s like I don’t have a life aside from studying or doing school works. Then when all of my hard work didn’t paid off. One of my unhealthy coping mechanisms comes in and that is self -destruction.

SIGNS THAT I’AM ON MY SELF DESTRUCTIVE PHASE

  • I don’ t talk to my family or friends
  • Sulk all day in my room
  • Overthink a lot
  • Becomes depressed
  • Wanting to be alone
  • I write or read a lot

After I get over my self- destruction phase (which is something that I endeavour to get rid of) I get up and do the things that needs to be done.

Like nothing has happened, wiping the tears and moving on with my life.

I don’t encourage self-destruction since it’s one of the worst thing that a person can do to him/herself.

Trust me I know and if you have done this way too many times.

Don’t you think it’s time to let this bad habit go?

I realize as I get older that  in the world that we live in wherein working hard has become a remedy to an aching heart or a passion in a sad life.

It’s not always a bad thing to be a workaholic as long as it makes you happy.

It’s in our nature as humans not having the satisfaction .always wanting to do more.

I realize that my health or happiness is far more important than writing papers all days and all night, finishing deadlines etc.

Education is indeed important but there are far more important things in life that I should appreciate and value more.My family and friends who are there to support and understands me when things are good or awry.

When I become too busy with school works I don’t have the time to do what I love anymore. Either reading, writing or doing art.

Balancing school, spending time with my family and friends ,finding time to do my hobbies Is tricky and sometimes just a myth.

Trying wouldn’t hurt, right?

Besides I don’t want to be a sad, 18 year old girl without a life other than school.

That’s why in this blog I will do my very best to pour my heart and soul in every words and I do hope that it will resonate with you.

I love what I’m doing no matter how hard it is and I think that’s what matters the most. Studying Communication arts in college may be exhausting, mind blowing or chaotic .It’s also fun, enlightening and it has also helped me shaped me into who I’ am today.

I thank my mother for her encouraging words every day ,She reminds me that  she is one of the main reasons why I do my best in everything. I want to make my family happy and proud of me but I also want to be happy with what I’m doing.

“Every sacrifices will be worth it. “

I do hope that in this blog post you will be inspired to do your very best and not make the same mistakes that I have done.

When things seems to be not making any sense anymore,

STOP for a while and TAKE a deep breath.

Trust me when I say it works wonders.

XOXO, NICOLE.

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